Thoughts
by Hethert
Summary: Cloud thinks about Sephiroth and how things really were.
1. Chapter 1

**Rating:** T. It doesn't contain any graphic violence or mentions of sex but it's written in a way someone very young might not understand.  
**Warnings:** Contains OOC-ness and is a bit AU, also contains loads of angst.  
**Disclaimer:** If I owned FF I wouldn't be here writing this.  
**Spoilers:** For the game FF7 and a tiny bit of the beginning of Advent Children.  
**Things you need to know before reading the story:** If you haven't played the game you won't understand a thing of this little drabble. I've changed some parts of the canon storyline but it's nothing too major.  
Where this ends Advent Children haven't taken part yet but is about to.  
**Beta Readers**: None. My first langauge isn't English so if you find something that's spelled wrong, bad grammar or if something just doesn't make sense let me know.

* * *

You used to be my hero. I wanted nothing but to be like you, I guess some part of me still wants to.  
Most people would say I'm crazy to think something like that. Maybe I am, who knows.

I can't help to think how different things would have been if we hadn't gone to my hometown that day so many years ago. Maybe you wouldn't have found out what they did to you, maybe I wouldn't be infused with mako, maybe Zack would be alive. So many maybe's and still I'm no closer to finding the answers.

Of course there is no real answers, how could there be? I just need something, or someone, to blame.  
Or else I would only blame myself. I couldn't believe it was you who had literally burned the town to the ground and I was so consumed with anger and hate that I did the only thing I wanted at the moment. To kill you.

I didn't even kill you in an honorable way, like you deserved, I stabbed you through the back. I could see the hate in your eyes when you turned around but I also saw something else, betrayal.  
It was then I realised what I'd done. I saw you stagger and fall into the stream of mako below, I reached out for you but it was too late. You were gone.

I remember standing there looking down upon the swirling mass and then I can't remember anything. I think I received mako poisoning from being inside the reactor for too long.

For five years my life was a mess, I couldn't decide what was real or not. The only thing I could remember was being on a bumpy road talking to Zack about becoming mercenaries. Zack and me running from Shin-Ra soldiers. Zack getting killed.

When my life stopped spinning and it seemed like I had some control over it, I did what Zack wanted.  
I became a mercenary.  
If it wasn't for that desicion I wouldn't have met the others who would become my team. For they were, I was their leader and they looked up to me to fix everything.

Aeries died because of it.

Vincent and Nanaki were the only ones that was independent enough not to pin their hopes on me. Or maybe they knew what it was like to have everyone depending on you. I always felt closer to them than the rest.  
Even though we didn't talk to each other that often we had a sort of silent agreement.

When I battled the godlike jenova version of you it never occured to me that it wasn't you. Every hit I delivered at _it_ hurt as much as if I had been hitting myself. After _it_ was defeated and we were leaving I got the feeling that it wasn't over yet. I knew you were still alive.

I told the others to wait there as I went back. And there you were, sane.  
As I drew closer I could see the despair and guilt I was so familiar with in your eyes. You looked at me and whispered "kill me".  
I raised my sword and you closed your eyes and exhaled.

I buried you in the same way I buried Aeries, at least that way your body would be left alone.  
It wasn't your fault, none of it were. You couldn't control the jenova cells. Most of all it was Hojo's fault.  
He was the one that destroyed everyone's life. Your life and my life.

2 years have passed since you died. This time permanent.

I listen to the message Tifa have left on my cell phone and then shut if off. I start the engine and gaze out on the dry lands.  
You were always my hero Sephiroth and you will always be.

* * *

So do you think I should continue this or leave it as it is?  
If I continue it won't be as much as a drabble and it will take place during AC (Although that won't be canon at all. There's too much things that doesn't add up in the movie). I will probably relieve poor Cloud of some angst as well :p

Liked it? Hated it? Review and let me know.


	2. Notes

I've finally started to write on the long overdue sequel and it's called Heroes Lost Forever.  
It's actually going to be a story and not a oneshot, so we'll see how that turns out.

The reason why it's not going to be posted in this story is because I don't want to add chapters to a oneshot I've already marked as complete.


End file.
